Parents and Guardian: Guilty as Charged!

I recently watch a film title “The 3 Idiots” that showcases the pressure that parents placed on their children to do things or act in a certain way, relive their lost dreams, or study what the parents believe will bring pride to the family without a thought for the ability, affiliations or aspirations of their children.

Over the years I have seen and heard young men and women complain about the various forms of pressure from their parents/guardians on issues ranging from what to wear, friends to keep, what to do or not to do, etc. The most pronounced is the choice of career!

It is a parent’s pride to tell friends and families that: my son/daughter is a doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, banker, etc. Success it’s said to have many friends and it’s a good thing to want your wards to be successful, no doubt. But the effect on the child, the ability/requirement for such endeavour and the personality type of the child are never considered. Most of the time, parents often hide under two (3) excuses:

1.      Parents are older and therefore more experienced. In essence, they know better!

2.      The parents’ efforts are always in the interest of the child/ward

3.      We are helping live your dreams

I remember when I was in secondary school, the role of Guidance Counselling Officer or teacher is to help students determine or guide in the choice of career best suited for the students in line with the traits and characteristics of the students. I doubt if such still exists!

The truth is that aside from most parents influencing the career choices of their children either to relive what they lost growing up, parents are more concerned with what friends and families will say. Most children/students are also culpable. The pride and pressure of being an undergraduate have pushed some into courses that have no bearing to their traits, have no commercial value, etc. This is why most people go to school just to get the certificate which they will never use or a clue as to the value of the said certificate.

Upon graduation, all they want is “a job” irrespective of their core area of study or qualification. The drive or believe is just get a qualification without considering the viability of the qualification, continuity, ability to grow, satisfaction, drive, etc. I can say with all certainty that the bulk of university/polytechnic graduates cannot defend their qualifications. Now we all read to pass and not to learn as learning is no longer fun.

The Indian film titled “The 3 Idiots” brought to fore this conflict between parents and their wards. It took 2 or 3 students committing suicide for their failure to measure up to their parents’ demand to be an engineer for another student to finally follow his dreams as a photographer (became world recognized) after 3 years in University studying Engineering. He was always the last in the class as he could not measure up.

 In choosing a career or deciding which part to take in life (also applies to adults alike), the following should be considered, which has to do with determining your strength and weaknesses:

1.   Personality trait: introvert or extrovert, calm or aggressive, organized or disorganized, determine or not, etc.

2.     Interest/habits: meeting people, talking, reading, creative, sociable, etc.

3.    Academic prowess: what subjects am I good at, what is my core strength; arts, science or commercial, etc.

4.    Skills acquired: other areas or activities good at and acquired over time

5. Attitude: positive or negative, always eager to learn or help others, goal getter, determined, etc.

6.    Motivation/Drive: what motivates, area of passion, things you enjoy doing, etc.

7.    Vision: goals and aspirations, desires for the future, etc.

8.  Usefulness/Viability: what can you do with the degree, can it qualify as a career (can continue to practice after retirement, can practice everywhere, can earn revenue from doing it, etc.)

Whatever the decision, these factors will help reduce future regrets, pain and embarrassment. The parents will be happy with the success of their children and the children will also be happy doing what they love and have passion for.

It is never too late to make amends, re-profile yourself, your children and students, determine their passion and love and help them achieve their dreams. You will forever be appreciated. Mr. Ewa of FGC, Wukari, Thank you!